The Opening Paragraph

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What not to put in the opening paragraph

The job of the opening paragraph is to give the background and present the thesis. An opening paragraph is a first impression. It pays to make it a good one.

What to put in the opening paragraph :

It must end with the thesis as the last sentence.
It must tell essential background information (names, places, general topic)
It must establish your qualifications (if the topic is specialized).
It may summarize the topic sentence pattern.
It may offer a specific fact, detail, example, statistic, quotation, or contrast.

What not to put in the opening paragraph :

It does not need a topic sentence.
It should not list the topic sentences word for word. (Instead it may summarize them in less than seven words total.)
It should not tell about specific details or examples that you will repeat later in the paragraphs of development.
Beware of wasting space by telling generalities distantly related to the topic.

Five bad examples and their revisions :

Example A: Our trip turned out to be a complete disaster. It all started early on a Saturday morning on June 14, 1991. Me and my friends met at 5 a.m. to load up for out trip. It took us a long time to load all of our provisions, luggage and equipment that we were going to take with us on the trip. We had so much stuff that we hardly had room to cram it all in. Finally, after all of this preparation, we took off on our trip with high hopes that we would all have the great time that we expected. 102 words

Comment: Where did you go? How long were you away? What kind of trip was it? How long did it take to pack? What did you bring? How crowded were you? Make the last sentence of your introduction the thesis. Also do not overstate your thesis. The trip could not have been a complete disaster unless it ended in tragedy. This paragraph is so uninformative that it is wasted space!

Revision: At 5 a.m. one Saturday, three friends and I started loading up for our camping trip to Lake Myakka near Sarasota. It took over an hour to load pots and pans, groceries, coolers, beer, tents, sleeping bags, tackle boxes, and fishing poles, and to secure the kayaks on the roof of Antonio’s Rav4. We had so much stuff that Fred had to sit with his sleeping bag on his lap. Unfortunately all this preparation could not prevent a disappointing trip. 82 words

Example B: Everyone has to have a job. Whether it is a full time job or a place where you only work part time or even if you have no job at all your job is probably that of being a student or a housewife or simply doing chores around the house. For some retired Senior Citizens their hobby is their job or they may work by doing volunteer work. This is why I say that everyone has to have a job. But not everyone has a job that they like. The job that I currently have is terrible. 97 words

Comment: The paragraph wastes space with silly, generalities that are irrelevant t your specific job. The silliest statement is “But not everyone has a job that they like.” Duh! Instead, give the background. Where do you work? How long have you worked there? What is your job title? What are your duties?

Revision: For eight months I have worked as a stock clerk at Home Depot. Last week a man yelled at me because another employee had told him to use lead anchors to hang a picture on dry wallboard. The man screamed that he had wasted two hours and ruined his wall. For me this was just another day at work. My job is terrible due to the irritating customers, overbearing supervisors, and hard physical labor. 74 words

Example C: During a recent vacation to Key West we ran extremely low on funds which caused us to miss some of our planned activities. Also, we had some unfortunate bad luck that went against us. Also we had some disagreements between members of our group that caused a lot of tension. All in all, our trip to Key West was disappointing. 60 words

Comment: This is simply the Topic Sentence Outline turned upside down. In a 500 word paper there is no need to waste so much space telling the organization. After all, each topic sentence would then be repeated in the middle paragraphs. Instead, you should summarize the topic sentences in five words.

Revision: One Friday at lunch, two friends and I decided to drive to Key West for the weekend. After all, Key West was only 200 miles away. What could go wrong? Lots of things, as it turned out. Underfunding, bad luck, and arguments ruined the trip. 45 words

Example D: When Michele and Karen, my two best friend sorority sisters, came to visit me last summer, we all were excited about our four day trip to Fantasy Fest in Key West. We expected to find a nice hotel room, do all the touristy things during the day, spend some time relaxing and dining, and then go wild at night with all of the various Fantasy Fest activities. Unfortunately, our expectations turned out to be somewhat naïve. As a matter of fact, we were just plain wrong. 86 words

Comment: A contrast opening often works well; however, to make it work, you must offer specific contrasting details and pictures, not generalities. For example “all the touristy things during the day” covers everything, but it reveals nothing. A writer’s job is to uncover—to reveal—not to cover. Also, state the thesis in one sentence, not two.

Revision: When Michele and Karen, my two best friend sorority sisters, came to visit me last summer, we all were excited about our four day trip to Fantasy Fest in Key West. We pictured ourselves on the balcony of a suite overlooking the ocean or at least the bay. We would stroll downtown to see the six-toed cats at Hemingway’s House, drink draft beer at Sloppy Joe’s, and enjoy the street performers at sunset on Mallory Square. We would dine on fabulous seafood and sip daiquiris in a five star restaurant. We might rent a powerboat or join a snorkeling excursion or even go deep sea fishing. Best of all, at night we would be part of the wildly-costumed outrageous Fantasy Fest. It would be the vacation of a lifetime. Boy, were we wrong. 133 words

Example E: We live in a society that is filled with dangers every minute of every day. Every day we see newspaper or TV reports about crime. The most fearful of these crimes are crimes against the person, especially rape. Women are especially vulnerable to attack because they are perceived as weak. A woman should carry a stun gun to protect themselves. 60 words

Comment: The opening offers nothing but claims, guesses, and exaggerations. It is all bluff, no information.

Revision: Local news sources reported three home invasions, fourteen robberies and assaults, and four rapes in the last two weeks. In such a crime-ridden society, a woman should carry a stun gun. 31 words

Last updated 9/18/06